January 31, 2007
Israeli Porn Production Not Kosher
A porn production company named Tight Fit Productions has apparently ventured into Israeli-themed pornography. They have a movie coming out titled, "Assraelis!" And jokingly to prove the video's authenticity, they included a kosher-certification symbol on the packaging, which is already really funny. But now a Rabbinical certification group sent a C&D letter to the porn production company alleging some sort of trademark infringement of their kosher symbol!
No word from Cohen [owner of Tight Fit]... on whether, despite their Kosher claims, meat and milk products were mixed during the making of "Assraelis."
This is so hilarious. It's also hilarious that they shot the movie all in Israel, with local talent, and all in Hebrew. With English subtitles. Subtitles! The idea of subtitles on a porn movie is so funny to me.
Woman: Yeah. Yeah.
Man: Oh yeah.
Woman: Yeah.
Man: Yeah.
Woman: Oh. Oh.
Man: Yeah. Oh. Oh.
Woman: Yeah.
Man: Oh. Oh. Oh.
*Man ejaculates*
Woman: Yeah.
Via Counterfeit Chic.
Posted by Barzelay at 12:00 PM | Comments (5)
August 23, 2005
Gary
No explanation necessary, save a single word: Gary.
Posted by Barzelay at 1:57 AM | Comments (0)
July 29, 2005
Israel Slang
I just found the list of slang terms we came up with in Israel and realized I never posted them! Okay, so we had eight Israeli soldiers stay with us for eight days. Jake, Dave Silverstein, and I had the idea to make up a bunch of slang and start using it around the soldiers a bunch. We wanted them to think it was normal American slang, and for them to start using it and spread it to the rest of Israel (which obviously wasn't going to happen, but we had so much fun with this).
We were sitting at dinner at Kibbutz 1 and we came up with the following list. We wrote it down later after we had so much fun using it around Yair, who was at first dumbfounded, but then caught on that we were using strange slang, so we explained it and recorded our slang for posterity (you).
So, without further ado, our slang list:
»» Continue reading "Israel Slang"
Posted by Barzelay at 5:33 AM | Comments (0)
July 1, 2005
Ken Mehlman's Jewish Anus
Ken Mehlman, the guy who "respectfully disagrees" with Democrats enough that they made him the chair of the RNC, a man who surprisingly might be gay, has just come out and called himself a zionist, basically also admitting that the rest of the government is as well. Zionism really only says that the Jews deserve to have an autonomous nation, so it isn't going too far, but it goes far enough to be surprising. Very interesting. Yay for gay Jews, even if they are evil Republicans!
Posted by Barzelay at 2:16 AM | Comments (0)
June 30, 2005
Israel Recap, Part 9: Red Canyon, Red Sea, Partying in Eilat, Ein Gedi, Going Home
Last normal recap. Continuing in the South of the country for our last couple days, we spent our nights at a guest house in Eilat. It was alright. Eilat was the only city in which we really got free time along with free reign. We got to just go around the city, and our only border was don't cross into Egypt (Eilat is right next to Egypt).
Posted by Barzelay at 8:38 AM | Comments (0)
Israel Recap, Part 8: Bedouin Camp, Camel Riding, The Desert, Masada, Dead Sea
After the second kibbutz (on the Med Sea, in the North of Israel), we headed for a long trip South for the rest of the trip.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 8: Bedouin Camp, Camel Riding, The Desert, Masada, Dead Sea"
Posted by Barzelay at 4:20 AM | Comments (2)
June 26, 2005
Israel Recap, Part 7: Unknown Wine Town, Kibbutz The Second, The Mediterranean Sea
We kept going all around the North, while staying at a cool beach Kibbutz on the Mediterranean Sea. I roomed with Mark (and Taylor) while there, since one of our Israeli soldiers was rooming with Yair and Jake.
Posted by Barzelay at 5:33 AM | Comments (1)
June 20, 2005
Israel Recap, Part 6: Galilee, Acco, Grocery Store, British Detainment Camp
We went and swam in the Sea Of Galilee. That was cool. They had this floating platform that kept tipping with all the Birthright kids on it sunning themselves and such. They also had a little pee pool. Then we took a boat ride on the sea. It was basically the Sea Of Galilee version of a party cruise. They had a DJ and dancing and such, and they also had a bunch of hand drums sitting around for people to amuse themselves on. They had a drum circle at some point, too. These pictures are from other kids' photos since I didn't take any here.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 6: Galilee, Acco, Grocery Store, British Detainment Camp"
Posted by Barzelay at 3:08 AM | Comments (0)
Israel Recap, Part 5: More Golan, Tzefat, Naot Factory, Lebanon Border, Rosh Hanikra
While in the North, we stayed in two different Kibbutzim. A kibbutz is an Israeli commune. Most of them aren't all that socialist anymore, they're more like collectives, but that's still pretty cool. They were both really awesome. The first had a guest house that was basically like a hotel. The rooms were quaint, and the whole thing was like a big party since they had a bar in the main building.
Posted by Barzelay at 3:07 AM | Comments (1)
June 13, 2005
Israel Recap, Part 4: Big Hikes in the ?Golan?
While in the North, we went on a bunch of hikes, two big ones. We were (I think) in the area called the Golan. The Golan is famous for the mountains that are the Golan Heights. I don't know why. I'm not actually sure that's where we were on these. They didn't like to keep us very well informed of where we were or what the regions were called.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 4: Big Hikes in the ?Golan?"
Posted by Barzelay at 5:26 AM | Comments (0)
Israel Recap, Part 3: Archaelogical Dig, Tel Aviv, Caesaria
Archaelogical Dig:
We stayed in the hotel in Jerusalem for the first four nights of the trip, but we didn't always stay in Jerusalem during the day. One of these excursion was to a historical site at which an archaeological dig was happening. It was from the first century CE, where some tribe had been living in villages. But they'd made use of natural caverns beneath their homes, connecting various caverns and building big storerooms, passageways, and places to keep cool during the summer. Then at some point, perhaps because they heard the Romans were coming, they evacuated quickly, burning and destroying some stuff, and tossing it all into the caverns. So, now they're excavating the caverns, and we got to go inside. It was very cool.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 3: Archaelogical Dig, Tel Aviv, Caesaria"
Posted by Barzelay at 4:14 AM | Comments (0)
June 11, 2005
Israel Recap, Part 2: Jerusalem
The first thing they did when we got into Jerusalem was took us to this big overlook. They pointed out some of the major features of Jerusalem. The pointed out the Dome of the Rock (Islamic holy place), next to it, the Kotel (Western Wall (Wailing Wall)), the mountain that is filled with Jewish graves (the whole thing looks white because of all the headstones), the place where Jesus was supposedly crucified (although they kind of smiled and rolled their eyes when saying this), Hebrew University, the famous King David Hotel, and a bunch of other places. We took a bunch of pictures with our group and they gave a little ceremony about how special the trip was supposed to be for us. They used this opportunity to remind us that it's a free trip, and many fabulously wealthy Jews paid good money for us to be there, so we shouldn't waste the trip or break the rules or whatever.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 2: Jerusalem"
Posted by Barzelay at 2:14 AM | Comments (0)
Israel Recap, Part 1: Getting There
I arrived home in Tampa at around 3:00am on the 16th of May, after driving the whole way home from (well, from Chattanooga, as my family had spent the night just North of there to go whitewater rafting). So, spent half the day whitewater rafting, then drove 10 hours. Then slept in.
Got cash, made sure I had everything, and my mother drove me to the airport for my flight to Miami. All the Birthright Israel kids for this time slot were flying to Israel from Miami. This is especially silly because the plane made a stop in Newark, and a lot of the kids were from the Northeast. But it was convenient for me, and Hillel paid my plane to Miami anyway.
I arrived in Miami around 9pm. On my way to Baggage Claim, I saw a bunch of the guys in my group in the hotel lobby. We were all staying in the Miami Airport Hotel since we had to be at the ticketing place for El Al Airlines at 6:30am the next morning. The guys greeted me, and I discovered that they'd already been sampling the airport's alcoholic fare. Well, eventually we ended up playing poker that night and buying lots of $5 pints from the all-night convenience store/pub thing. It was good bonding.
»» Continue reading "Israel Recap, Part 1: Getting There"
Posted by Barzelay at 1:37 AM
June 4, 2005
I'm Brandt
Yo, I'm Brandt. I'm mad tight friends with Jess Herron. We know how to rock it in Southern Cali, baby.
Yeah, I would identify myself as a surfer. How often do I surf? Well, I went like once last year with my boys, you know, but trust me... I know how to hold it down. I'm Brandt.
I refuse to drive any car unless it's a yellow turbocharged Jetta with an automatic transmission. My parents got mine for me when I turned sixteen. I got to choose, so of course I chose the dopest ride around. I named my car Durst. That might seem like a strange name for a car. My longboard is called Fred. That also might seem strange. But you gotta recognize: Fred Durst is the lead singer of the dopest band in the world, Limp Bizkit.
Other bands I like include Eminem, Maroon 5, Sugar Ray, and Sublime (especially their latest album, Second-Hand Smoke).
I play guitar. I was in a band for a little while called Velvet 88, but we had creative differences, so we broke up. We played a gig at a friend's birthday party once, where we covered a lot of really awesome songs. But not "Sweet Home Alabama." I hate that shit.
Brandt's philosophy is really very simple: live life to the fullest, never forget your friends, and always remember to party like it's your last day on earth.
I'm in a fraternity (come on, no jokes). All the guys are really badass, dope-ass guys, and they're all my bros forever. We party a lot, but we know when it's time to sober up and do some charity event. Brandt thinks charity is very important, cause without it, how could all the poor people and stuff eat and shit? In high school, I logged some volunteer hours picking up trash outside my father's office. He paid me but I counted the hours anyway. This year I'm thinking about maybe participating in a beach clean-up project or something like that where it'll help the environment in addition to helping other people. I really care about the environment since my first love (after my friends) is the ocean. I'm Brandt.
I normally don't use the computer for anything except downloading surf videos and shopping for clothes from my favorite brands like Quiksilver, DC, Polo, Von Dutch, Hollister, Abercrombie, and Lacoste. But Jess said I should start one of these live journal things. I don't really like writing (or reading!) so I'll keep this one short.
Yo.
Brandt.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."
UC Santa Barbara '09
Cali Forever
Posted by Barzelay at 12:30 AM | Comments (0)
May 22, 2005
From The Regency Hotel in Jerusalem
Israel is hotter than your mom.
And internet is fucking expensive.
I feel so Jewish here.
Posted by Barzelay at 6:45 PM | Comments (0)
April 21, 2005
Rites, McGill, Pope, Israel!
Just to let you guys know... the fence up for Rites this year is in front of McGill, and it's black, so you can't see through it. So if you were planning on watching from the picnic table... not gonna work so well. I recommend you buy tickets, as have I.
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I'm starting to get really excited about my Israel trip. My passport came in the mail today. Yay! It's pretty much the goofiest picture of me in years (see left). It looks worse when you actually see it. Anyway, I'll be sure to not leave my passport in my dorm room when I leave Vanderbilt.
The McGill Award this year is being split between Lucas and I. So we each get $375. Cool. As per tradition, we will of course be throwing a party with a portion of this money.
The new Pope is scary, unloving, and boring. Go Jews!
I just ordered a 1 GB memory card for my camera from Dell Home for $55. I didn't want to run out of memory in Israel. Anyway, Dell Home has a sale today on memory cards, and even though I hate Dell, I had to swallow my principles and go for it. Next Business Day shipping was free as well.
Posted by Barzelay at 12:42 AM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2005
Long Live The Pirate Captain!
A guy ran anonymously for Student Body President of NC State as "the Pirate Captain," and won! See his campaign website, and three articles from their paper. Hilarious. Make sure you read the quotes from him in the articles and watch the video on his website.
Andrea Dworkin died. While I respect her insights on sexual politics, I could not be more against her anti-pornography campaign (or, for example, her view that marriage constitutes a "license to rape"). I think liberty is a more primary responsibility of state than is protection, though I disagree that porn has anything to do with protection.
Sharon announced that Israel wouldn't engage in a unilateral strike against Iran to dismantle their supposedly burgeoning nuclear weapons program. This is good. I don't like strikes in general, let alone unilateral ones. I'm just beginning to become a lot more informed and opinionated on Israeli issues, since I'm starting to get a little more into my Jewish heritage and seek out knowledge about these issues. Noelle gave a cool McGill hour this week about the Israeli-Palestine conflict, and her hugely biased-toward-Palestine teacher came along, too. In looking at these issues, a couple factors come to mind for me above others:
In general, I support the right of people to secede from any union and form their own country. The problems lie in territory and in making sure that the people who get swept up in this sort of change also want it to happen. So, I certainly support an independent Palestinian estate, but the issue becomes over land: how much land should they get and where, and then what should be done with the settlers already there? In general, I favor the Labour Party's position in Israel, since the right-wingers there are the ones basically advocating settling which knowingly leads to violence and stands in the way of peace.
Congress voted to eliminate the estate tax. In general, this was a Republican-backed issue, and one that Democrats fought. I side with the Republicans on this, and here's why: Only two percent of people who died left estates that were subject to taxation anyway. This because anyone rich enough to deserve paying taxes on their estates is also rich enough to have hired financial people who make sure their estates are disbursed in such a way as to avoid taxation. In any case, I support a vastly simplified tax system that would largely eliminate questions like this.
Britney's pregnant! Who cares?
The UN voted to outlaw nuclear terrorism. How is a measure like this necessary? It's like they're arguing, "Prior to passing this law, it could have been ambiguous whether or not the UN was in support of nuclear terrorism."
And I've got a funny story of my own from today:
I had just gotten out of class and stepped out of Sarratt on my way back to McGill. Then my phone vibrated and I'd gotten a text message. It was Bridget and it said, "I just farted."
Then I look ahead as I'm walking, and about fifty yards ahead of me, Bridget is also walking back to McGill, and she looks hot. So I reply to her text message with, "Nice butt."
Ten seconds or so later (I'm almost at Tolman now, she's almost to McGill), she picks up her phone and looks at it for a minute. Then I yell to her, "Nice butt!"
So she turns around and looks at me--and it isn't Bridget. I look away quickly and pretend like I wasn't the one who just told some random Bridget look-alike that she had a nice ass.
Oh, and for those out of the loop, Bridget and I have been back together for about two months now, and it's great. I just never bothered posting about it because I felt ridiculous about the yo-yo-ing. This time though, certain things that happened shook things up and made us look a lot more closely at why things weren't working out and do some self-examining, and we actually got to the bottom of a lot of things and figured stuff out, and it seems to have worked, cause it's been perfect since then.
Posted by Barzelay at 2:40 AM | Comments (0)