December 11, 2007

What classes am I taking again?

Oh, exams, you cads! Always sneaking up on me when I am at most leisurely. It's at this time every semester when I have this dialogue with myself:

"Hey, brain. What's up."

"Oh, not too much. Just chilling out, playing some Moon Master, thinking about remodeling the blogs, you know. Same old."

"Cool. Oh, hey, by the way, I've been meaning to ask you about something."

"About what?"

"Well, you remember how I told you that I was in law school? Well, it seems that this week--"

"You son of a bitch, you did it again!"

"What?"

"You didn't learn a single thing all fucking semester, and now you have an exam! And you're coming to me, your brain, for help. Again."

"No I'm not. I wouldn't do that. <pause> Well, okay. I am. But you don't understand. It's because--"

"You know, this is why other students do those things that we discussed at the beginning of the semester. You know the ones."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know. Reading. Going to class. Listening to the fucking professor every once in a while."

"Wait, wait. Reading? People still do that?"

"Yes."

"Oh, you mean like pleasure reading. Yeah, I should do that."

"No, I don't mean pleasure reading. I mean reading for class. Like cases, and statutes and stuff."

"You're joking."

"No! You should be reading that stuff when the teacher assigns it!"

"I thought everyone stopped reading for classes in like 2002."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what you said four months ago. But I pointed out to you how every December and May, you come crying to me about not knowing any of the things you're supposed to be tested on, and so I take pity on you and work my magic. We get lucky, but in return, you always promise that next semester, you're going to read, and you're going to attend class, and you're actually going to listen to your professors. But then, a mere week into the next semester, you abandon it."

"I said I'd do those things?"

"Yes you did, and you're a liar."

"Alright, fine. I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry. Next semester, I really will be a real law student. Seriously. This is the last time. So come on, brain, help me out. Just this once. I have two days to learn Criminal Law. Pleeeeease?"

So that's that. Now I'm at it again. Crim Law exam Wednesday. Don't know much Crim Law. Studying. Worried. And Hungry Food insecure.

Posted by Barzelay at 12:00 AM | Comments (4)

January 31, 2007

How I Scooped Every Major Newspaper, A Full Year Ago

Almost a year ago, I posted my anticipated class schedule for this school year. In it, I indicated that I had signed up for Robert Drinan's Professional Responsibility course. He's a former congressman, Jesuit priest, and human rights activist.

Zhubin then warned me, in the comments, "You're treading in dangerous waters taking Drinan. Go with Frisch for PR in your third year."

I responded, "Aside from the danger that he'll die and screw up my schedule, what is the danger with Drinan? I thought he was supposed to be pretty cool?" So anyway, I dropped Drinan's class.

Well, this weekend, he died. And thus I saved my schedule. Go, go, gadget prophecy!

In a new twist on the big geek meme, here is this story in a nutshell:

1. Predict death of beloved and progressive ex-congressman.
   
2. Ex-congressman dies.
   
3. ???
   
4. Prophet!

Also, it should be noted that, despite his warning, Zhubin posted some kind words about Drinan on his blog. And although I did not know him at all, based on the (admittedly one-sided and saccharine) articles and obits following his death, it seems like he was a really great guy. He was both religious and progressive, and so he supported unpopular things like birth control and abortion rights, despite his stances going against the official word from the Church. The Pope finally issued an edict prohibiting priests from holding public office, apparently in a large part simply to oust Drinan. In general, if the Pope has to issue an edict against you, you're probably pretty noteworthy, in one way or another.

Posted by Barzelay at 11:34 AM | Comments (2)

January 20, 2007

Intimidating Adjuncts

"From now on, we expect you to come to class dressed for trial." So saith the lead attorney in my Patent Trial Practice class. He even clarified it for us later on in the class. Every time the class meets, the students have to show up in suit and tie. Great.

Let me tell you how fun it was to be in a class with only twelve students and four adjunct professors: Not much. Twelve students, dressed casually, seated at their desks. Four attorneys, in dark suits, standing over us.

Posted by Barzelay at 10:07 AM | Comments (0)

December 14, 2006

There Is No Such Thing As A Hard Exam, And Studying Doesn't Matter Anyway

There is no such thing as an easy exam, either.

All exams are equally difficult, and any variations in grade between students, or between classes for a particular student, is a combination of variations in intelligence, expectations, and random chance. Here's why:

If I think an exam is going to be extremely difficult, then I get apprehensive about it. The amount of studying I do for it is inversely related to my level of apprehension. For instance, five days ago I was very worried about my Evidence exam, since I've done nothing in that class since September. So I buckled down and studied hard, which I so rarely do, and was, to the amazement of myself and those around me, extremely productive. In fact, I was so productive, and covered so much material, that I was no longer worried about it as of two days ago, and could no longer convince myself that I needed to be productive. So, I've done absolutely nothing since then. Which brings us to tonight, the night before my Patent Law exam, still having been unable to do anything for that class, because I am not too worried about it. I did all the reading for it, and mostly paid attention to Professor Thomas in class (who is awesome, by the way), so it just never loomed ominous the way that Evidence did. A lack of looming ominous means a lack of me fleeing to the books.

>>Show explanation<<Hide explanation

And so it is that I am equally prepared for all of my exams, and in general, they are all equally difficult for me during the actual exam. One might ask why, then, I get a different grade on every exam. Well, I have a further theory that there is zero correlation between effort/knowledge on law school topics and grades on law school exams. I literally think that a student's grades have nothing to do with how much that student prepares. The only exceptions are at the very top of the class (solid A grades always know their shit and have worked very, very hard), and the very bottom of the class (C grades have to know extremely little, and are either not extraordinarily intelligent in the type of thinking required for the class, or else did next to nothing throughout the semester--or both). But for everyone in the middle range (say, 80% of the class), the preparation has nothing to do with the normative performance.

That isn't to say that a particular student can't study very hard and go from a B to an A-. It definitely can happen. But between one generic student who has studied very hard and another generic student who has not, it is almost just as likely that the latter student will score higher than the former. This is, I think, still true even if the two students are of identical intelligence, though slightly less so. But since it is impossible to determine one's intellectual standing relative to one's classmates, such a slight difference cannot rationally motivate one's behavior.

What that means is that law school exams do a very poor job of testing students' skills and knowledge. I don't think that law school exams are written poorly, or that the culture of law school exams is necessarily flawed. But I do think that the types of skills on which we are being tested are inherently untestable except over a very large period of time and in a large variety of situations. Exams can't hope to create a large enough sample to measure our actual skills and knowledge, and so they are very prone to random sampling errors. We happened not to know much about the Huddleston standard, and yet that's what the Professor asked about. On the other hand, we were expert in the Hilmer rule, but that wasn't on the exam. Or we wrote an exam that was equally analytically sound as another student, but the Professor was psychologically biased against us because we made a typo and wrote, "inabmissible," while the other student did not. Or the outline we used didn't include a citation to 35 U.S.C. § 105, instead referring to it by the section's title, "Inventions In Outer Space," so we didn't find it when we used Ctrl-F. There are infinitely many ways in which one can randomly be screwed over by one's exams.

So the obvious conclusion is that one should study a very little bit, but not much. One should seek only to avoid the Cs, and then, if I'm right (and I'm almost definitely not) one's grades will be distributed randomly around the average, which is somewhere between B and B+. Just don't sweat the outliers.

Posted by Barzelay at 9:34 PM | Comments (1)

October 26, 2006

Bad Sculpture... Of PLEASURE

On Georgetown's main campus this weekend, I spotted this sculpture on a bench. But the chess board isn't very noticeable until you're right up next to it. I wonder how many students absentmindedly have sat down and gotten a bishop up their butts?

Then again, Georgetown is a Catholic university, so I guess that many of the students already are used to having religious authorities up their butts.

P.S. - It's very difficult for a law student to type "statue" instead of "statute."

Posted by Barzelay at 7:03 PM | Comments (6)

June 28, 2006

Grades Are Out (At Georgetown Law)

Continuing the tradition that I started last semester, I am posting my grades publicly, in protest of the vague and disingenuous ways people discuss grades in law school. They say, "So, how did you do?" and "Are you happy with your grades? What were you expecting?" and "What did you think of your grades?" But what they really mean is, "What grades did you get in each class, and what is your overall GPA? Did you do better than me or worse than me in each class, and by how much? Is your cumulative GPA higher or lower than mine, and if it's higher, what else do I have that sets me above you in a hiring process?"

So in protest of that whole system where people are too shy to ask directly, and too modest/ashamed to answer directly, I am posting my grades, in the hopes of fostering openness, directness, and straightforward questions. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know someone's grades. There is nothing wrong with asking them directly. And there is nothing wrong with refusing directly. But let's dispense with the veiled questions.

Criminal Procedure: A-
Constitutional Law: B+
Legal Research & Writing: B
Property: B+
Economic Justice: A
Cumulative GPA: 3.28

Analysis:

I did every bit of the reading for Property, even did some outside reading just because I was interested, mostly paid attention in class and participated in class discussions, and yet only got a B+. That's a bit disappointing. On the other hand, I didn't read a single page of Crim Pro since the second day of class, and got an A-, so I'm elated about that. LRW isn't surprising, though I had hoped it would be higher. Con Law I'm pleasantly surprised about since, again, I did very little reading for it. And Economic Justice, I did most of the reading, and really dug into the issues and spent time considering them, but didn't really study for the exam, so I'm very happy about that. And there you go.

Posted by Barzelay at 4:40 PM | Comments (20)

May 7, 2006

GULC 1L Moustache Contest

Andrew Doss has asked me to help rally the troops behind a cause so important that it makes the war on terror look like a Yo Mamma joke--a battle more noble than the English at Agincourt--a labor so great that, had he attempted it, Hercules could've forgone the other eleven--a travail so timeless and epic that it makes good vs. evil seem a mere trifle in comparison.

I sit here today, and there is so much else I could be doing; I have a Con Law final Monday, there is a new Red Hot Chili Peppers album out, I hear the call of the open road, beckoning me to my summer internship in San Francisco, and my movie queue is full to bursting point. But am I working on any of those things? Am I spending my time on the toils of mere mortals? Am I walking in the mud of the masses? No, friends. I walk on clouds, a better man than most. I have the rest of my life to do things like pass classes, be attractive to women, not look like a child molester, and have a face that doesn't itch. But I've only got another week to prove that my section is categorically superior to Section 3 by growing out my moustache. Sorry, finals, I've no time for you. I'm spending my every waking minute cultivating my manly facial hair.

And if Section 3 people happen to read this, I've a message for you: You might as well shave now. Your moustaches are puny and thin, and your women don't respect you--they date us instead. You don't have the fortitude to grow your moustaches like we do. The quality of your facial hair will be little better than your knowledge of the Federal Rules Of Civil Procedure. I'll see your Chused and raise you one Chuck "Norris" Abernathy. Your upper lips are smooth and bare. I would go so far as to call them "pretty." Even your gays are pissy and conservative, while ours are liberal and moustachioed.

Even our intelligence-gathering far rivals your own. We are all aware of your Little League attempts at motivational speaking. My fellow Section 2 people, observe the drivel they pass off as a rally cry:

By challenging us, Section Two has awakened a sleeping giant. They know not what they do. We will unleash enough upper-lip hair to choke a donkey... If you are able to grow even the nappiest of moustaches but choose not to, I will be very disappointed in you. Severe sanctions, I know. I may even unleash this sort of rhetoric, which I reserve only for hair-growth related dismay... So, please grow. If you are interested in some different styles of stash, behold...

-Aaron "Barely Even Peach Fuzz Compared To Section 2" Goldhamer

We would never dally in moustaches as pedestrian as those Aaron recommends. When my section looks for styling tips, we go here.

So, Section 2, fear not rash nor ridicule. Support your section in this most important of events. We will win the Georgetown 1L Moustache Contest. If we are steadfast and intrepid, we will prevail. Anyway, our enemy will never be prepared for our secret weapon (codename: Seffrey Jenter), and they will crumble under the (still not that heavy) weight of a million coarse and macho Section 2 hairs. I leave you with some famous words from an amazing play; a play some might even call the Smokey & The Bandit of the Renaissance: Shakespeare's Henry V.

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers... for he to-day that sheds his razor with me shall be my brother, be he ne'er so vile, this day shall make rugged his condition: And gentlemen in Georgetown now a-shaven shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Finals day."

-William "Had A Moustache, Was In Section 2" Shakespeare

Posted by Barzelay at 1:54 AM | Comments (11)

April 27, 2006

Next Year's Classes

I recently submitted my course requests for next year. Only while compiling my next year's schedule did I realize how much 1L schedules suck. In each term for next year, I went through the entire course schedule bookmarking courses I really wanted to take. In each term, I bookmarked more than twenty classes. That's awesome. I had one in which I was really interested this year (Property).

Fall

If I get the perfect schedule, here is what I'll have next year. If I get all of these, I'll have to drop one of the 2 credit courses. I'm especially excited about... well... every class except Evidence. I don't think I'll especially like Evidence, but I need to take it, all the more so for mock trial.

• LAWJ-165-05 - Evidence
  Michael Gottesman, 4 credits
  TR 03:30PM-05:30PM
• LAWJ-267-05 - Law of Cyberspace
  Michael Songer, 3 credits
  M 05:45PM-08:50PM
• LAWJ-200-08 - Communications Law: Law, Policy & Politics in the Internet Age
  R. Paul Margie and James Assey, 2 credits
  R 06:15PM-08:15PM
• LAWJ-361-05 - Professional Responsibility
  Robert Drinan, 2 credits
  M 03:30PM-05:30PM
• LAWJ-332-01 - Patent Law
  John Thomas, 3 credits
  MW 09:35AM-11:00AM
• LAWJ-341-05 - Great Philosophers On Law Seminar
  Ladislas Orsy, 2 credits
  W 11:10AM-01:10PM
• LAWJ-196-05 - Free Press Seminar
  Lee Levine, 2 credits
  T 10:00AM-12:00PM

Spring

I probably won't get Patent Trial Practice (it is a very hot course, and limited to an enrollment of 14 students), in which case my top preference is Law And Philosophy Seminar, with John Mikhail, a joint Law and Philosophy department course. Either way, if I get all of these, I'll have to drop two of the classes.

• LAWJ-334-05 - Patent Trial Practice
  Joseph Potenza, Christopher Renk, Mark Banner, Erik Maurer, Tom Pratt , 3 credits
  F 11:10AM-02:10PM
• LAWJ-342-09 - Information Privacy Law
  Marc fucking Rotenberg!, 3 credits
  T 05:45PM-07:45PM, every other R 05:45PM-07:45PM
• LAWJ-442-05 - Intellectual Property Seminar: Theoretical Foundations Of Intellectual Property
  Julie Cohen, 3 credits
  T 01:20PM 03:20PM
• LAWJ-433-08 - Trademarks & Unfair Competition Law
  Rebecca Tushnet, 3 credits
  MW 01:55PM-03:20PM
• LAWJ-110-01 - Copyright Law
  Rebecca Tushnet, 3 credits
  MW 09:35AM-11:00AM
• LAWJ-235-01 - International Law I: Intro To International law
  Charles Gustafson, 3 credits
  T 03:30PM-05:30PM, R 03:30PM-04:30PM
• LAWJ-368-05 - Drug Abuse & The Law
  Peter Cohen, 2 credits
  R 03:30PM-05:30PM

Posted by Barzelay at 3:38 PM | Comments (8)

April 20, 2006

Snakes On A Link

Brian Finkelstein, my sectionmate at Georgetown Law, is in the press for his website, SnakesOnABlog.com. The website started out as a simple request: Brian wants to attend the Hollywood premiere of the movie, Snakes On A Plane. It has since become the central location for internet-based discussion on the movie. And last week he was on CNN, MSNBC, and in the aforementioned WaPo article.

Interesting revelations from the article: Due to the internet support, the producers realized their audience consisted of those looking for a consciously ridiculous horror-thriller. So, they decided to do some re-shoots, adding scenes in order to bring the rating up from a PG-13 to an R! That's the first time I've ever heard of a company doing that, which is pretty awesome. It means we get to hear Samuel L. Jackson say, "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane." PG-13 only allows one usage of the f-word. They've also added some brief nudity. And an earlier move to change the title of the film was quashed after wide protest on the internet.

And it looks like New Line may even fly Brian out for the premiere.

Posted by Barzelay at 4:07 PM | Comments (3)

Private Universities

Here's another strong argument for private universities. This is an excerpt from my daily calendar for today.

5:30-7:00pm, EJF kegs on the Quad
7:00-10:00pm, Barrister's Council banquet, at Drinx, open bar and hors d'ouevres
8:00-10:00pm, GULC wine tasters, wines of Alsace-Lorraine
8:00-11:00pm, free keg at the Gilbert And Sullivan musical

Of course, the joy of that schedule is mitigated somewhat by the four hours of Criminal Procedure and Property that precede it, not to mention the several hours of reading to prepare for those classes before them. But after class, that's a pretty sweet schedule.

Posted by Barzelay at 2:45 PM | Comments (4)

April 4, 2006

Storms approaching

I love the weather right before storms. The smell of the air before the rain, the gathering clouds, and most of all, the wind! It's my favorite kind of weather. It really energizes me, and clears my head. It makes me self-reflective and philosophical, but frisky and playful. It makes me happy and brings out creativity, and erodes a good bit of cynicism.

Anyway, this evening, Sarah pointed out to me an impending storm taking over the NW DC sky. I popped my head out the window, and it was quite cool to see. Here's a picture of the storm coming, taken out the window of my apartment. The colors were absurdly vivid, and it was at the perfect time in between sunset and darkness.

And then the rain hit, and it rained hard. The rumbling patter of the drops was relaxing, and I ended up going for a brief walk outside in the rain, until I realized that, unlike the Florida rains I'm used to, DC rain is pretty damn cold. But anyway, good job storm; you were pleasant and beautiful.

Posted by Barzelay at 2:34 AM | Comments (3)

February 16, 2006

Beau and Lisa win. Good.

Beau - 53% (447)
Frank - 47% (405)

Lisa - 58% (426)
Kristin - 42% (311)

It's notable that Frank and Lisa's numbers jumped up a lot in the runoff after the endorsement by Z (and the myriad negative stuff said about Kristin). Oh well. The runoff was much more fair than the primary, even though someone screwed Beau and Kristin over by sending out that anonymous email that exaggerated the fault of Beau and Kristin, even if it was somewhat true, and ignores the parallel role of Frank. I guess it didn't hurt Beau too much.

Anyway, the winners were the two candidates for whom I voted. As I've said, I liked Beau from the start, and I know Lisa and think she's great. Frank was a fine candidate too, but I like Beau's position as a pseudo-outsider who nevertheless knows enough about the system to work it.

And for a whole other thread about all this stuff, see this thread on Auto Admit

Posted by Barzelay at 1:44 PM | Comments (9)

February 14, 2006

For The Record

RubiTuesdayBR (12:21:00 AM): was that you who sent that email?
BrianGULC (12:36:45 AM): How long did that email take you to write?
crazyginny (12:52:34 AM): are you concerned GULC?
Wooster24 (1:13:44 AM): yo.. do you know who sent this SBA email about corruption

I did not write, assist in the writing of, edit, approve, send, or advise anyone regarding the "ConcernedGULC" email.

I've saved the email into a text file, and am hosting it for reference.

1. If I'd have written it, I would have signed it. I'm all about honesty, transparency, and openness. Consider this and this, for instance. People know that I answer any question posed about myself. I would not miss the irony of sending out an email claiming to be the principled side and claiming to run a campaign about honesty, transparency, and reform, while hiding behind an anonymous email account.
2. I would not have used the ridiculous word "torpedo" once, let alone multiple times. I generally avoid such uses of overdramatic action words. I assure you that I could not read or hear someone use the word "torpedo" without at the very least rolling my eyes.
3. I, unlike some people, know that an em dash is supposed to be used without spaces on its sides--like this--instead of the way it was used in that email.
4. The em dashes and other characters were not plain text--they were HTML character entities. That means it was likely composed in Microsoft Word, then pasted into an email. I do not compose my emails in Word. I write them directly into a browser window's textarea 95% of the time, and compose in Notepad all the rest of the time. I love Notepad. This site, for instance, was created entirely in Notepad (except the graphics, which were of course created in Photoshop).
5. I would not have called my own video improper.
6. I would not have said that the Elections Committee "was forced to disqualify" Zeeshan. I think the Elections Committee was where most of the blame lies in this whole thing. They had a choice, and they made the wrong one (and not just about Zeeshan, they also screwed Frank and Lisa's campaign by taking away their privileges to email), because they got too caught up in The Rules to remember their purpose: ensuring a fair election.
7. I actually liked Beau's campaign (as distinguished from Kristin's) quite a bit. He would have easily been my top choice if Zeeshan weren't running. I definitely supported Lisa from the start, as she is a good friend of mine, and she's awesome and on top of shit. But I don't really blame Beau at all. He stood up in the Judiciary hearing and said he thought the disqualification was improper and that he didn't object to a revote, just like Frank did. In fact, Beau spoke first. In any case, I certainly don't think that Beau is running merely to pad his resume, and I think it's laughable that anyone would accuse him, of all people, of having undue deference to parliamentary procedure.
8. The email said, "History has always shown that the petty and corrupt are the least capable of enacting change and reform." I am always very reluctant to make sweeping generalizations about history, mostly because I know absolutely nothing about history.
9. I would not have called on "concerned students," and then referred in the next sentence to the candidates I was trying to smear as "concerned" with their resumes.
10. I've never used Google groups.
11. "There is no opting out of the truth!" would be pretty funny if it were meant tongue-in-cheek. In this case though, I'm pretty sure it was meant in earnest. That's absurd.
12. Although the writer managed not to split any infinitives, or end sentences with a preposition where it isn't necessary, rules about which I am quite strict, the style does not otherwise match my own. I never skip multiple lines between paragraphs. And I never sign anything "Yours sincerely." I just put, at the bottom, "David" or "David Barzelay," or in extreme cases, "Thanks,/ David Barzelay."
13. I would have addressed everything in a more humorous way. I'm never that dry.

So yeah, I really didn't write it. I'd tell everyone if I did. I think the writer exaggerates the role Beau played in the whole thing. As I said, most of the blame is with the elections committee itself. Frank filed complaints against Beau, too.

So vote for whichever one of them you want to vote for. I think they're both great candidates. All that's really certain is that Lisa Keels should be Vice President. So vote for her.

Posted by Barzelay at 12:40 AM | Comments (10)

February 10, 2006

SBA Vice Presidential Candidate Doesn't Understand Sarcasm

A candidate [name omitted] for SBA Vice President, was the one who initially reported the video to the elections committee. Here's my IM conversation with her from yesterday afternoon, which apparently went way over her head.

Posted by Barzelay at 6:30 PM | Comments (8)

Z Got Disqualified, Appealed, Was Vindicated, Still Lost

So, Z was disqualified for several things, including the video. After many warnings about campaign materials containing "GULC" or "Georgetown," Nuf sent out a message from a Facebook group, "Georgetown University Law Center," saying that the group officially endorsed Zeeshan for SBA President. The Elections Committee felt this was improper, since the group had no leadership nor procedures for voting or endorsements, and because the message contained Georgetown's name. In addition, they said the video was negative campaigning and offensive, and therefore improper. So, they disqualified him, and barred him from any further campaigning, but left his name on the ballot.

The Elections Committee was looking for any excuse to get rid of Z, because he was running from outside the SBA structure. And they did. But he appealed. The Judiciary Committee decided to re-enter him in the race, so he was somewhat vindicated. But they also voted not to hold a revote, and that his suspension from campaigning couldn't be appealed. Z was 35 votes short of making the runoff election. His entire second day of campaigning was taken from him. He was scheduled to talk to the LLMs and the evening students, and could very likely have picked up another 35 votes. Oh, well. There's no possible way he could have beat Beau in th runoff, so he wouldn't have been President anyway.

Posted by Barzelay at 6:20 PM | Comments (6)

February 9, 2006

The American Scafidi Dictionary

My Property professor, Susan Scafidi (and yes, that's her website), has a really unique accent. Although she sounds fairly normal most of the time, she pronounces certain words with a very strange accent that's almost like British, and then other times that's like New England.

She starts every class with, "Welcome back to Property. When lost we spoke, we were discussing..."

And no, that wasn't a typo. That's how she says "last." Here's the American Scafidi Dictionary, so far. We'll keep adding Scafidiisms as we find it necessary.

bath - "bawth"
bathroom - "bawthroom"
can't - "con't"
example - "exomple"
got - "gwot"
half - "hoff"
last - "lost"
not - "nwot"
pass - "poss"
rather - "rother"
small - "smole"
talk - "twock"
vase - "vozz"

UPDATE: I asked her where her accent came from. Apparently, she was born in DC, and grew up in Rockville, MD. She said she didn't realize she has an accent, and that perhaps it is just a result of trying to project one's voice in front of a class. It clearly is not. She said it also could be familial, since her grandparents were not native speakers. This is plausible. Either way, it's quite unique, and quite funny.

Posted by Barzelay at 4:04 PM | Comments (8)

February 7, 2006

Z's Campaign Ad Is Too Hot For TV!

I made Zeeshan a joke campaign ad. I'd love to send it out, as I think no one would get more of a kick out of it than the other candidates, but alas, I think it likely violates SBA Election policies. So, I'm NOT distributing this as part of the campaign. What do you think?

"Candidates are free to include any content they desire in their campaign mterials, so long as the materials do not contain the school's name and/or logo, do not attack another candidate personally, or do not contain any inappropriate material (photographs or vulgarity)." [emphasis added]

So, yeah, it slightly personally attacks the other candidates, although in a joking way, and it's kind of inappropriate given the talk of rape and such. Basically, SBA is censoring my artistic vision.

Anyway, the video turned out pretty hilarious, although I have to say, my tiny digital still camera's video mode has far better video and sound quality than Zach's miniDV camcorder.

Again, I reiterate, this is for my friends only, and not a part of the campaign. Check it out here:

barzelay.net/z/files/campaign_ad.mov

Update: Removed until after election.
Update again: Reinstated. Election is over.

Posted by Barzelay at 11:52 PM | Comments (2)

Vote For Me as a Write-In Candidate!

I'm mounting a last-minute campaign for 2L delegate. No, I'm not on the ballot. People who campaign as write-ins are badasses. At least that's what I'm trying to spread now.

I really wanted to be a delegate, but I didn't realize the deadline was approaching until it was already gone. So it goes.

So, vote for Z and then vote for me as a write-in.

Posted by Barzelay at 2:07 AM | Comments (1)

February 4, 2006

Z For SBA President!

Zeeshan is running for SBA President. Since I'm such a good little friend, and Z is such a great guy, I made him a website. When Zeeshan is President, all sorts of sweeping reforms will take place, and we will form a new progressive GULC society, praise Allah!

So check out the ideas he gave me, talk to the man himself, and then vote for Z Tuesday and Wednesday, February 7th and 8th.

Posted by Barzelay at 5:58 PM | Comments (0)

February 1, 2006

GULC Grades Are Out

So grades are out here at Georgetown University Law Center, and boy is it funny. After you've heard people cautiously asking, "So... um... are you satisfied with your grades?" or "Hey, by the way... uh... like, are you, like, alright with what you got?"

Jesus, people, come out and say it. Either be open and honest about it, or be private and stoic. But don't sit there asking around it and being ambiguous. If you want to know what I got, ask my grades. I'll tell you, because I take the open and honest route. I wear my scars proudly. If you don't, keep it to yourself. But there's no harm in asking. If I were instead taking the private and stoic route, I would answer, "I'd rather not say," and that would be it.

It is absolutely incomprehensible to me that anyone would be angry if someone asked them what grades they got. Either one answers, or one declines. Neither alternative should cause anger. So why does everyone refuse to ask?

Maybe I'll start a trend with my blunt and upfront living. Here are my grades:

B- in Civil Procedure
B in Torts
B+ in Contracts

Here's how I feel about them: The Civ Pro and Torts were as expected. Civ Pro was hard and I didn't work enough for it. Torts was easy, but I never read for it, listened in class, or took notes. I'm a bit disappointed in Contracts, because I feel that I knew all that material very well, and I thought I wrote a wonderful exam. But overall, the strictly average (i.e. mediocre) 3.0 comports with all the sleep I got last semester, the lack of reading, the lack of paying attention in class, and the utter lack of studying for the exams.

I'm pretty sure that my Legal Research And Writing grade was good, but I have yet to receive it and anyway, it is only a midterm grade.

So, if you're willing, tell me your grades. If you're not willing to tell me your grades, then don't ask me to ambiguously explain my feelings about mine, and don't ambiguously explain yours. It is in my nature to attempt to disambiguate ambiguous things, and I will do the same with your grades. That will offend you, and I won't feel bad.

Posted by Barzelay at 12:19 PM | Comments (9)

January 31, 2006

State Of The Union Drinking Game

You are on TEAM (AMERICA/IRAQ). Every time Bush says (“Iraq”/"America") cheer loudly for your team and take a drink in honor of that great nation. Your most hated foe is Team (America/Iraq). Boo Team (America/Iraq)!

Pre-Speech

Subtract the number of colors Bush is wearing from the number of colors you are wearing, and take that many drinks. If the result is negative, you may assign those drinks to others.

(1) if at any point, someone in the room can point out a type of makeup Bush is wearing.

(1) for every hand Bush is seen shaking before and after his address. If you are the first person to identify his hand-shaking partner by name, you can instead assign your drink to someone else.

(1) for every flag that can be seen at the podium.

(F) if Bush's tie is neither solid nor striped (i.e. paisley or other pattern)

Mid-Speech

(1) every time he mentions his opposition as "some people," "some individuals," "certain people," or "certain individuals."

(1) every time Bush makes a gesture that requires taking both hands off the lectern.

(1) if he mentions immigration.
If what he says causes both Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch to stand up and/or applaud, you must take a drink of an inappropriately mixed drink (i.e. wine and beer, whiskey and milk, etc.). This can be accomplished by taking a drink of one thing and then, before swallowing, drinking another thing.

(1) each time Bush sounds like he’s admitting a mistake or apologizing for a failure.
(2) if he is not, in fact, admitting anything or apologizing.

(1) when he uses the word "strong."
(F) if he is referring to Cheney's pulse.

(1) when he uses the word "life."
(2) if used with a meaningless catch phrase such as "sanctity of life," or "culture of life."
You needn't drink if you can quickly come up with a meaningless catch phrase of your own containing life and say it aloud.

(1) when he mentions "our children."
(2) if coverage cuts to shot of the twins.

1) every time Bush mispronounces a word.
(2) if he stumbles over it, pauses to collect himself, and then still mispronounces it.

(1) every time a likely candidate for President in the 2008 elections is shown.
(2) if the likely candidate is shown posturing by expressing either obvious disapproval or approval with his facial expression or mannerisms.
(3) if he is shaking his head, "no," and frowning.
The first person to come up with a catchy campaign slogan for this person and say it aloud needn't drink.

(1) for "John Roberts" or "Sam/Samuel Alito."
(2) if they are then shown.
(3) if their families are also shown.
(F) your beverage if Alito's wife is crying, or if Roberts' son at any point does not look like he will one day snort lots of coke at Yale.

(2) for every person he mentions who has at some point been referred to as "bin Laden's #2 in charge," "bin Laden's right-hand man," "al Qaeda's #2 man," "al Qaeda's top person in Iraq."

(2) if he mentions Harriet Miers.
(3) if she is shown.
(F) if, when pictured, she does not look like Skeletor.

(2) for every one drink Bush takes.
(3) for every drink he takes if, by group consensus, you suspect that he has fallen off the wagon again and it is actually vodka he is drinking.

(3) if he mentions intelligent design.
This can be lessened to one drink if you imitate a monkey immediately afterward. If, by group consensus, anyone’s imitation does not remind the group of Bush himself, everyone must finish their beverage.

(F) if Bush says the name of your home state, or the name of a city in your home state. Only do this once, even if he mentions it multiple times—we can’t have Louisianans dying on us.

(F) if Laura Bush is pictured not smiling.

Every time he says "freedom" you take a drink of whatever you’ve chosen to pour for yourself. Every time he mentions Iraq you must unilaterally take a drink of someone else's drink, even if you know that they aren’t really in possession of WMDs.

Any time Jenna Bush is shown, the first five people to yell out a distinct type of liquor get to choose someone else to drink.

Every time Bush says, “terror,” “terrorist,” or “terrorism,” Zeeshan chooses five people to drink.

Democrats drink when he mentions:
Today’s confirmation
The nation is on the right track
“Obstructionist”
We are at war
Tort reform or liability reform
God
Prayer

Non-Democrats drink when he mentions:
Activist judges
Texas
His ranch
“the situation” in Iraq
Reconstruction efforts
FEMA
Weapons of mass destruction (two drinks if abbreviated as WMD’s)

Posted by Barzelay at 6:06 PM | Comments (1)

January 30, 2006

Gewirz State Of The Union party

You're invited to the Gewirz State Of The Union address viewing party, drinking game, and after party.

El Presidente goes on at 9:00pm on Tuesday, Jan 31. We're starting the partying at 8:00pm. Don't be late for the President's speech, as there will be many rules and complexities with which to familiarize oneself in the State Of The Union drinking game.

Be ready for lots of silliness (and lots of drinking, if you choose to participate in the drinking game). We might have some drinks on hand, but please bring your own stuff. Beer, wine, and mixed drinks are all acceptable. Drinking straight liquor is probably out of the question. You'll understand why once you see the drinking game rules. You'll receive a copy of said rules upon arrival at the party.

Feel free to tell anyone else who doesn't know about it. Again, the party will be held on the Gewirz 11th floor lounge, starting at 8:00pm. If it gets crowded before it starts, we might move. Bush starts blabbing at 9:00pm. Be there.

Edit: Also, let me know by commenting if you have any suggestions for rules.

Posted by Barzelay at 3:46 AM | Comments (5)

November 21, 2005

Shit. Memo almost due.

Real men do, it turns out, revise.

Posted by Barzelay at 4:52 AM | Comments (4)

November 20, 2005

I ain't afraid of no memo.

Real men don't revise.

Posted by Barzelay at 10:04 PM | Comments (4)

September 27, 2005

Law School Quotes

1. Prof. Abernathy: "Why did you just say 'No?' It's because I just bent you like a stick."
2. Prof. Abernathy: "An alien may be sued in any district. Sucker!"
3. Student: "Wasn't there some Liz Taylor case...?", Prof. Abernathy: "I'm not keeping up with Liz these days."

How often should I post these? Daily?

Posted by Barzelay at 3:57 AM | Comments (3)

September 26, 2005

More Law School Quotes

1. "Plaintiff alleges mental anguish, leading to impotence."
2. "If the police officer were not here, I'd punch your nose."
3. "I am now going to shoot you dead."
4. "I won't beat you to a bloody pulp if you give me your basketball tickets; otherwise you are going to be pretty bloody."
5. "What if a female employee is surrounded by six burly men who accuse her of theft?"
6. "I'm going to break your legs with a baseball bat when you least expect it."
7. "Doesn't Billy the Kid just sort of walk around with a big sign tattooed to his forehead that says, 'imminence'?"
8. "We can imagine no reason why, with ordinary care human toes could not be left out of chewing tobacco, and if toes are found in chewing tobacco, it seems to us that somebody has been very careless."
9. "Often when a women says 'No,' she means no. And a man thinks, 'Oh, this is the beginning of a negotiation.'"
10. "Todd, what do you think the judge's attitude will be to a litigator who declines to freely give consent to amend a complaint, when everyone knows the judge will grant it anyway?... Well, Todd?... Well?... Todd, I'll give you a hint: it's similar to how I feel about you right now:... The judge will feel some irritation toward you because you have occasioned this stoppage in the process."
11. "Hey bonehead, this isn't a compulsory counterclaim. It doesn't arise out of the same cause of action, you... you... silly litigant!"
12. "You sue me for the automobile accident, I sue you for failure to deliver a refrigerator a year ago."
13. "Second most important thing in law school: I ask the questions. You answer them. They're gonna have to pay me a lot more money to get me to reveal the answers. All I do is ask the questions."
14. "On the East Coast, adultery is a sin. In middle America, adultery is against the law, and in California, adultery is compulsory."
15. Plaintiff's complaints are often referred to as "prayers."
16. "One tortfeasor poisons the victim's tea. Just as the victim puts the tea to his lips, the other tortfeasor shoots him dead."
17. "...or going onto land to see whether the computer did blow up or didn't blow up, or whatever."
18. "If I'm being deposed, what do I do to prepare for a deposition? I eat breakfast. I eat breakfast and go."
19. "Hey, Richard... take a mental exam, would ya?"
20. "Richard, did you do any rummaging around for today?"
21. "Yeah, I mean, at one of these oral depositions, they might accidentally blurt out the truth."
22. "A subpoena for a mental or physical exam? 'Come to court. Bring your brain.'"
23. "I say, 'What am I holding up?' They say, 'It's an explosion.' I say, 'Do you see a conspiracy here?' They say, 'Yes, in fact I just saw the little martians get out of their spaceships.'"
24. "I hate it when that happens. You're working and along comes a caboose and whacks you. It's just not fair."
25. "Hither and yon"
26. "6 priests, 5 rabbis, and a Unitarian minister all testify that you were in Cleveland."
27. "My brother is a Unitarian minister. Sometimes he lies."
28. "He picked out and ordered the $12000 gilt-edge Bible, personally signed by 6 priests, 5 rabbis, and a Unitarian minister. Then he dies."
29. "De Bothezats are the BMWs of the fan world. American Machine & Metals Inc. are the Chevy Cobalts. Yeah, everyone's laughing. See, I know that joke will work in a law school lecture. All of you budding de Bothezats of the world have, or want, BMW's. It's a class joke, and I don't mean like we're in class right now."
30. "Aliens? Suckers. Came here and thought you had rights."
31. "Black person? We think you do have rights. You have rights like fan manufacturers have rights."
32. "The purpose of law school isn't to alleviate the confusion, but to leave you confused at a higher level."
33. "Tough luck. You shouldn't have been there when my car was going so fast."
34. "As is often the case, the real bad guy is in Argentina somewhere spending the money."
35. "Law school is a little misleading in that it teaches that law has something to do with things."
36. "Google is a, if not useful, at least an entertaining tool in the practice of law."
37. "If you ever need a lawyer, don't get one. If you have to get one, don't get a typical one."
38. "It turns out that, in real life, you can be pregnant today, even if you weren't pregnant two days ago."
39. "The legal system is not in the business of deflecting the wrath of God."
40. "Who are we to keep God from smoking someone?"

Posted by Barzelay at 4:28 AM | Comments (2)

August 27, 2005

Work hard, play hard

Who says law students can't beer bong a bottle of Riesling?

Posted by Barzelay at 11:07 PM | Comments (0)

March 24, 2005

Washington, DC trip

DC Trip was pretty cool. I stayed on Jacob Grier's couch. It was very nice of him to put me up for three nights, and I enjoyed seeing him. He is doing well, for those who care, and seems to have lost interest in a life of politics. Instead, he is now hoping to purchase and run a coffee shop. The man loves his espresso.

I visited George Washington University (to which I have been named a Presidential Merit Scholar, which carries with it $10k per year on top of normal aid, as well as some other perks, a special advisor, etc... Jennifer Carlisle got offered this as well, but for $20k... I think like 20% of their admitted students get it), and Georgetown University, and they were actually the opposite of what I expected.

Georgetown Law Center was downtown, but not near the fun downtown stuff. It is isolated over by Union Station. Georgetown Law is a huge law school, and as such, it is its own campus. Georgetown Law Center, in other words, is not physically attached to Georgetown University. It is in fact more than a cursory subway ride away. At first, this seemed attractive, since I figured it would foster more student life and fellowship in the law school. But then I started thinking that all the student life at a university happens with the undergrads, and that if I went to Georgetown I'd miss out on all that. I'd be isolated at a Law campus, with no one but law students. And even though it's a huge law school, with its own fitness center, student center, pool, food place, library, academic buildings, dorms, playrooms in the dorms, etc., it's still much much smaller than normal full campus. So, I thought I'd really like it, but after visiting I have a lot of concerns that I'd be completely isolated and bored there. I need to talk to Zhubin about it.

George Washington, I'd heard not so good things about. I visited, and these things weren't entirely inaccurate. There was no real campus. It's similar to NYU. There are a bunch of buildings owned by the University which are densely sprinkled about an urban area. But the law school buildings were all centralized, and sat around an actual grassy quad, even though it's in the middle of the city. Unlike Georgetown Law, there were tons of food, shopping, and movie places around. It wasn't exactly what I'm looking for, by any means, but I liked it a lot better than Georgetown Law's campus. My first impressions were the opposite of what I'm feeling now, but now I'm liking George Washington more and more. I somehow ended up taking no pictures of George Washington, which I guess is testament to its mediocre "campus," but I'm still starting to warm to it. Scholarships help, but it is actually ranked #2 overall in Intellectual Property Law, only behind Berkeley. Georgetown is like #17. Since this is what I want to do, that's a big difference. But would I want to abandon the name recognition of Georgetown?

The second day of my trip, I basically saw everything in DC in seven hours, all walking. I got off the Metro at Foggy Bottom (George Washington University), walked all around that area, walked to the White House, from there to the WWII memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, the Korean War memorial, the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial (which I didn't bother going all the way up to), the Smithsonian museums (several of which I went inside), the Capitol, the Library of Congress, the Supreme Court building, Union Station, the Congressional office buildings, the National Archives, and Georgetown Law. Lots of walking. I went inside all of those that I was allowed to in a time of national crisis like now.

The next day, I went back down there and spent more time in the Smithsonian buildings, going through all of the Hirshorn (modern art), checking out Smithsonian Castle, spending lots of time in the Air And Space Museum, doing a cursory tour of the National Gallery Of Art, and then getting denied entry to the National Archives because they said the building was too full.

That second night, Jacob took me to an espresso tasting at the coffeeshop at which he is employed. An espresso tasting is like a wine tasting, except with espresso shots. I'd had exactly one espresso shot prior to that night. Not exactly a connoisseur. But Jacob and the owner helped to educate me and by the end of the night, I was able to clearly distinguish Starbucks brand espresso as being shitty and flavorless. I was skeptical about the tasting at first, but finally I figured, "Hey, one more thing for me to be snobby about!"

It ended up being a lot of fun though. We tried nine espressos. My favorite was Zoka brand. They had us rate each espresso on Brightness, Flavor, Body, and Aftertaste, and write notes about each of these aspects on a sheet they provided for the purpose. They said they would give away t-shirts to the two people with the best description sheets, so I went all out, writing paragraph long ridiculous answers for each aspect of each espresso. I knew nothing about espresso, so there was no reason for me to try to do anything other than spew complete and utter bullshit. Hopefully I will get a copy of my sheet, so that I can post my answers here, cause it's pretty hilarious.

I've been super super busy this since getting back. I'm back on track in my Math class, after skipping it for a week and a half because I was so pissed off at the midterm. This is generally bad counsel: when you do poorly on a test, it usually means you should go to class more often, not less. So I came back after spring break and slacking off, and it turns out we're still doing the exact same thing we were doing literally a month ago. That's a relief. Other classes are stressing me out a lot. Specially, my stupid Conquest Of Mexico Honors Seminar, for which there is a ton of reading and we have to write journals on it and do papers and such. Nothing too hard, just painfully boring and tedious. Dante is going well. I actually turned in the first paper I've been proud of in at least a year for that class. It was about this character Dante places among the sodomites, though there is no evidence to suggest he was a sodomite. I was proposing/arguing different explanations having to do with the character's homosexuality, and some other stuff. It was fun, and I got an A- on it, which I was happy about. I haven't really put anything into a paper in a very, very long time. Non-fiction is decent. Animation requires a lot of work, but it's really fun work. Roman Civ is actually quite enjoyable and I like learning about these things I've always heard about but never really knew. That's everything I guess.

Trivia tonight and I've got no questions yet and tons of work to do before then. Ugh. Anyway, here are pictures from DC:

On the Metro. Check out the "couple" on the poster:

The White House, with a bunch of people playing roller hockey out front since they closed down the street in front of it.

Various DC monuments, memorials, etc. My favorite are the ones of the Cub Scouts sitting on part of the Lincoln Memorial. I only wish that the big reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial hadn't been drained. The pictures would have been much better. Seen here are the Treasury building, WWII Memorial, Lincoln Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, Washington Monument, National Mall, and Capitol.

Smithsonian, the Hope Diamond, and an Orchids exhibit:

More DC buildings: The Library Of Congress, Supreme Court, Capitol.

Georgetown Law:

Espresso tasting. Click here for a zip of all the espresso pictures (for Jacob's benefit). It's 6.98MB.

Posted by Barzelay at 6:21 AM | Comments (0)