March 27, 2006
View Comments | Post CommentBacon almost makes me believe in God
 This bacon is too soggy. |
My life will be significantly improved if the predictions in this article come to pass. Researchers have cloned pigs that are genetically modified to produce omega-3 fatty acids. That means that things like bacon would be very, very healthy for your heart. Then I wouldn't feel so bad when I fry up a pound of bacon, eat half of it before the rest is finished, and then eat the rest of it on a sandwich. I love bacon.
Oh, and the key is to cook it slowly. Fry it on a lower temperature, and give it it time to get nice and crispy. And then eat lots of it. Because your heart yearns for those omega-3 acids. Right.
Posted at March 27, 2006 1:15 AM | Comments (13)
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It's really strange, but I have said that same thing before; that is, if there is any evidence of God, it is Bacon.
I mean, think about it from a metaphorical angle. It almost represents His twisted sense of humor. It is a meat so delicious that none can resist, yet to fully indulge in it can kill you over time.
Furthermore, bacon is inconsistent with evolution. Typically things evolve to get better at not-being-eaten, but somehow pigs have evolved to be more delicious. I heard that due to new farming techniques, bacon today is 10x more delicious than the bacon that our parents experimented with in the 60s.
Posted by: Chris Santoro at March 27, 2006 10:17 AM
ew. Ew ew ew ew ew.
Posted by: smed at March 27, 2006 10:48 AM
While I hope your dream comes true, the first thing i thought was that pork is bad for your heart. If you put in Omega-3s, it'll just even it out to neutral at most. I think the article mentioned that as a possibility. Anyway, for the time being, what you could do is just buy some flax seed oil and have a nice spoonful of that with your bacon.
Posted by: Ula at March 27, 2006 1:46 PM
Wait, wait, wait... flax seed oil isn't made of meat. Why would I eat that?
Although, it would pass the Dr. Nick "paper-towel-rub" test.
Posted by: David Barzelay at March 27, 2006 1:59 PM
Haha that's true. i take back what i said. :)
Posted by: Ula at March 27, 2006 2:15 PM
I hear BALCO makes good flax seed oil. I don't think it's good for your heart though.
Posted by: Nuf at March 27, 2006 2:55 PM
Consider how many wild boars there are and how many domesticated pigs there are. I'd say the pigs won. Yay, evolution.
Posted by: Daniel at March 27, 2006 7:31 PM
While I think your post is really funny! And I totally get the joke, and the "type" of humor you are using with the whole bacon makes you believe in god thing! I think that while there is a time for joking there is also a time for not joking. David! I am a big fan of your blog site but I think you have to take the responsibility that your words! Can reach potentially millions of readers (the internet has no bounds!) and this whole no god thing is a bit scary!
Posted by: Jake Weisman at March 28, 2006 10:24 AM
Yes, David, I am indeed responsible for that which Man has named 'bacon'. Thank you for taking notice. I point to a part of my book, The Bible, that has been misquoted by scribes for millenia. The true text which should have been quoted is...
Revelation 22:13
I am the Alpha and the Omega-3 fatty acids, the beginning and the end [of flavor].
I meant this to be a predictor of this day that would eventualy come, and to signal my approval of the achievments of science. However, those damned scribes failed me. So David, I just wanted to let you know that I am a loving God and I want you to have as much bacon as you want, because I love you as part of the brotherhood of man which I have created.
Just try to cut down on the masturbation, ok? Peace.
Posted by: God at March 30, 2006 12:11 PM
Hey David, you might be interested to know that this post was quoted in the "Look Out" (I think) section of the Washington Post Express on March 28th - I was flipping through the issue yesterday on my Metro ride and came across it.
Granted, in their quote, they said you said you wouldn't "fee" so bad, and they also misspelled your address (barselay.net), but still - great job!
Posted by: Jay at April 1, 2006 2:13 PM
you are not alone in your love of bacon.
Posted by: ghazaly at April 2, 2006 4:27 PM
Yeah, yeah, believing in God....David getting media attention. That's nice. Whatever.
The important question is, why haven't you posted since March 27?
Posted by: Ben Stark at April 2, 2006 7:16 PM
Ghazaly, that Bacontarian site is great. Thanks.
Jay, good eye. Any idea where I could get a copy of that WaPo Express?
Posted by: David Barzelay at April 3, 2006 1:02 PM
