January 31, 2006

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State Of The Union Drinking Game

You are on TEAM (AMERICA/IRAQ). Every time Bush says (“Iraq”/"America") cheer loudly for your team and take a drink in honor of that great nation. Your most hated foe is Team (America/Iraq). Boo Team (America/Iraq)!

Pre-Speech

Subtract the number of colors Bush is wearing from the number of colors you are wearing, and take that many drinks. If the result is negative, you may assign those drinks to others.

(1) if at any point, someone in the room can point out a type of makeup Bush is wearing.

(1) for every hand Bush is seen shaking before and after his address. If you are the first person to identify his hand-shaking partner by name, you can instead assign your drink to someone else.

(1) for every flag that can be seen at the podium.

(F) if Bush's tie is neither solid nor striped (i.e. paisley or other pattern)

Mid-Speech

(1) every time he mentions his opposition as "some people," "some individuals," "certain people," or "certain individuals."

(1) every time Bush makes a gesture that requires taking both hands off the lectern.

(1) if he mentions immigration.
If what he says causes both Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch to stand up and/or applaud, you must take a drink of an inappropriately mixed drink (i.e. wine and beer, whiskey and milk, etc.). This can be accomplished by taking a drink of one thing and then, before swallowing, drinking another thing.

(1) each time Bush sounds like he’s admitting a mistake or apologizing for a failure.
(2) if he is not, in fact, admitting anything or apologizing.

(1) when he uses the word "strong."
(F) if he is referring to Cheney's pulse.

(1) when he uses the word "life."
(2) if used with a meaningless catch phrase such as "sanctity of life," or "culture of life."
You needn't drink if you can quickly come up with a meaningless catch phrase of your own containing life and say it aloud.

(1) when he mentions "our children."
(2) if coverage cuts to shot of the twins.

1) every time Bush mispronounces a word.
(2) if he stumbles over it, pauses to collect himself, and then still mispronounces it.

(1) every time a likely candidate for President in the 2008 elections is shown.
(2) if the likely candidate is shown posturing by expressing either obvious disapproval or approval with his facial expression or mannerisms.
(3) if he is shaking his head, "no," and frowning.
The first person to come up with a catchy campaign slogan for this person and say it aloud needn't drink.

(1) for "John Roberts" or "Sam/Samuel Alito."
(2) if they are then shown.
(3) if their families are also shown.
(F) your beverage if Alito's wife is crying, or if Roberts' son at any point does not look like he will one day snort lots of coke at Yale.

(2) for every person he mentions who has at some point been referred to as "bin Laden's #2 in charge," "bin Laden's right-hand man," "al Qaeda's #2 man," "al Qaeda's top person in Iraq."

(2) if he mentions Harriet Miers.
(3) if she is shown.
(F) if, when pictured, she does not look like Skeletor.

(2) for every one drink Bush takes.
(3) for every drink he takes if, by group consensus, you suspect that he has fallen off the wagon again and it is actually vodka he is drinking.

(3) if he mentions intelligent design.
This can be lessened to one drink if you imitate a monkey immediately afterward. If, by group consensus, anyone’s imitation does not remind the group of Bush himself, everyone must finish their beverage.

(F) if Bush says the name of your home state, or the name of a city in your home state. Only do this once, even if he mentions it multiple times—we can’t have Louisianans dying on us.

(F) if Laura Bush is pictured not smiling.

Every time he says "freedom" you take a drink of whatever you’ve chosen to pour for yourself. Every time he mentions Iraq you must unilaterally take a drink of someone else's drink, even if you know that they aren’t really in possession of WMDs.

Any time Jenna Bush is shown, the first five people to yell out a distinct type of liquor get to choose someone else to drink.

Every time Bush says, “terror,” “terrorist,” or “terrorism,” Zeeshan chooses five people to drink.

Democrats drink when he mentions:
Today’s confirmation
The nation is on the right track
“Obstructionist”
We are at war
Tort reform or liability reform
God
Prayer

Non-Democrats drink when he mentions:
Activist judges
Texas
His ranch
“the situation” in Iraq
Reconstruction efforts
FEMA
Weapons of mass destruction (two drinks if abbreviated as WMD’s)

Posted at January 31, 2006 6:06 PM | Comments (20)

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