September 21, 2005
View Comments | Post CommentPets not so silly?
I think I've made so much fun of pet owners that I've somehow talked myself into wanting one. It's weird. Last night it occurred to me while talking to someone about how I don't want any pets that I actually now do want a pet. Specifically, a cat. I don't want it to be too dependent, and I definitely don't want to have to train it not poop on me. I just want it to jump up on my keyboard and distract me from my work, thereby adding the phrase "asdkmmdsfh.,,/" to my legal memo, and causing me to play hide and seek for a minute or two with my highlighter.
Let's go all the way back to my childhood and investigate my bitterness toward pet owners:
I always wanted a dog. I wanted one really badly. When I was five, we moved out to the very outskirts of the suburbs, into a large house on a lot of land that was nowhere near anything. There weren't any other kids in my neighborhood, and I was a lonely little boy who turned quite bookish as a result. In any case, a dog seemed perfect.
My mother grew up on a farm. She always had tons of dogs and horses and whatever else farms have, and she loves animals. My Dad, on the other hand, grew up in Daytona Beach with anal, worrisome Jewish parents who never let him have any pets. His mother is basically a female Woody Allen only humorless. As far as I can surmise, my father had some traumatic experience involving a dog when he was young, and never recovered. So, he hates animals, and wouldn't let me get one.
Then, one time when I was maybe six years old, a stray dog started hanging around and we started feeding it. I played with it all the time, and I looked forward each day to coming home to him. I named him Thunderbolt. This bliss lasted about a week and a half, and then one day I came home and he was gone, never to return.
So, not only was I never allowed to have a pet (well, we had goldfish, but that hardly counts), but I also got teased with having one, and that made me want one even more. But I never got one. So now I'm bitter toward pet owners.
But yeah, so a cat would be nice. Preferably a cat who can talk, shop for cat food, empty a litter box, and open canned meat 'n' gravy. But I'd settle for less.
Posted at September 21, 2005 10:37 AM | Comments (10)
Comments
Post a new comment
cats are great and generally, they train themselves. when they're younger you have to show them where the litter box is but after they get used to the lay of the land, everything else is fairly instinctive. i think that's what i like about them. i have no control over my cat and he's got me wrapped around his little paws.
also, he matches my couch.
Posted by: sarahthustra at September 21, 2005 11:01 AM
I personally hate cats because they're so hit or miss. We had great cat when I was in high school, but also a really neurotic whining pucking cat. They were both retrieved together as kittens, so it's not in the cat-raising phase that made them different. The summer that Andy, Logan, and Jonathan and I lived together we had a cat -she was horrible. She scratched at doors all night, and if you let her in she would walk all over your face or on your desk and knock things over. We all hated her - Jonathan wanted to put her in the dryer at one point because locking her in the closet didn't work (she got out every time).
Dogs take a lot of work at the beginning, so now probably isn't a good time for you to get one, but once they're trained, they're great. Maya has never had an accident in our house. She plays when I want to play or sleeps when I'm busy and don't want to play. We have to take her outside to poop/pee, so that can get annoying, but it doesn't take long... Everyone also talks to you when you're walking a dog, so it's easy to meet strangers that way.
That's all. Yay dogs, boo cats.
Posted by: Cara Bohon at September 21, 2005 2:10 PM
>Preferably a cat who can talk, shop for cat food, empty a litter box, and open canned meat 'n' gravy.
...I think Sony makes those now...
Posted by: Daniel at September 21, 2005 2:57 PM
Right Cara, I always wanted a dog. I feel like dogs are vastly superior pets for children and active people. However, they also do require a lot more work than I'm willing to do any time in the near future. The thing about cats is that they seem to mostly just take care of themselves. I want to get a pre-trained cat. Can one do that? I don't know anything about obtaining pets. Anyway, I want a cat that's already trained and who I don't have to do anything for except maybe provide some food and scoop a litter box. Then I want him to lovingly distract me from my work and let me pet him when I feel like it, and lay on me when I watch movies, and make other people consider me a nice guy because I have a pet.
Posted by: David Barzelay at September 21, 2005 3:49 PM
Just as I suspected. After your last post that questioned why you post about pets so much, I was thinking... Duh, because now you've graduated and are lonely errr... all those things you said about pet owners last year. Pets are awesome, except when they have mental issues.
Posted by: violet_flames at September 21, 2005 4:58 PM
Well, hi there!
Uncle David here. I hope things are going well at law school.
Love the comments about pets. Also love the comments about Grandma and Grandpa (known to me as the in-laws). Our kids would love to have a dog and we have done some dog-sitting for the neighbors during the past few months. In a recent conversation with the humorless Woody Allen, your Aunt Elisa mentioned our interest, to which Mama replied, "You have children and a husband to take care of ... you don't need a dog!!".
Take care and keep in touch!
Uncle David
Posted by: Dave Collins at September 21, 2005 7:13 PM
i just have to mention, you don't really train cats and cara's right that they can be hit or miss. if you get one that doesn't want to sit in your lap (or associate with you at all really) you just have to know that some of them are like that.
there are some choices, however, that can make that less of a problem. generally persian and long haired cats are higher maintenance and bitchy. stripey (either black/grey or orange/yellow/white)short-haired males are your best bet if you want a friendly kitty, though calico females can also be really friendly and engaging. my cat's litter box scoops itself so you can knock that off the list.
Posted by: sarahthustra at September 21, 2005 7:24 PM
If you get an adult (dog or cat) from the humane society, they sometimes come house trained or litter trained. Dogs from the shelter also are sometimes trained to sit. All depends on their prior owner (if any). You have to ask.
Also, replying to Sarah's thing about types of cats - persian and siamese are bad. My bad cat was part siamese (all black skinny bitch - female). The other bad cat was a white fluffball of a female. The good cat was a fluffy blonde/white male.
Posted by: Cara Bohon at September 21, 2005 9:06 PM
We had a kitten - she was crazy. Then she grew up. Now she's not quite as insane. She'll actually stay in one place for ten minutes at a time. Crazy.
Posted by: Jeff at September 21, 2005 11:59 PM
Id go female, seeing as how all the cats my roomates have had (Eric and Dan) were male and sprayed a lot as a result. Your place will smell pretty bad and thats not an attractive thing for the ladies. Make sure you get it neutered/spayed to reduce/eliminate spraying, and make sure youre not anal and jewish like Dan and refuse to do such a reasonable and healthy thing for your cat. Fuck you Dan.
Posted by: Chris Santoro at September 22, 2005 2:52 PM
